magdalene express

living after my divisional goal

There was a time not too long ago when the complacent circumstances of my life had me obligated to men, obligated to relationships, obligated to life and love.

At 26, I have finally become self reliant.

Last week, I accepted an invitation to have dinner with a photojournalist friend of mine and at 3 in the morning still burning with intellectual philosophical fodder concerning our own self destructive habits, I realized that I was finally free. Here I was in control of my own domain amidst company that I had a 50 in...what empowered me was that I was never ever going to step backwards. The difference was inside, I had finally gripped an inner stronghold and conquered the fear. And he said to me, I noticed that, that you are your own person, indpendent and you're not anywhere close to letting that go. You're right, now I have the vices to say no thank-you, I'm flattered, it's enticing and easy but I'll make amends for myself and do.

Today, I am not committed to anyone. It's been a year that I've been able to say this and in all honesty, I feel really good about it. I don't have to answer to a soul and I'm at liberty to do as I please, accept invites at leisure, manipulate my own oppurtunities as I desire and at my own pace. I go out, I have fun, I explore and challenge, I do as I please on my own terms but not without responsibility. I have grown closer to becoming the woman that I've wanted to be.

So yeah,

It's about damn fine time I say, I'll have my fuckingue space and eat it too.

I am so proud of myself.

Btw, Yer has a boss who takes her under his wing as his surrogate daughter. Me, I have a boss who randomly asks me if I'm still in love with my part time boyfriend. But whatever. What are brunches for than to discuss how lovely it is to work for men in midlife crisis.

Now like the rest of the world, now that I've reached this one giant goal I had for myself, I've got to set up some more short term goals for myself bc Dr.Phreaking Phil says so. Jesus, my career needs serious work.

posted by mira @ 1:57 PM